Ego Means Men Overlook What Women Contribute

Men usually make the first move in dating scenarios, which puts a woman in the position of turning down the men she is not attracted to. Men get used to having to pursue a woman. Men also accept that women often give little positive encouragement, which they attribute to shyness or modesty. This is often true but these qualities are a result of being unresponsive.

Men reject the idea that women engage in sex to keep them happy as an insult. The idea that they are dependent on women for sexual relief is insupportable because it threatens men’s ego. The proposal that women should be capable of orgasm with a lover makes sex a more socially acceptable activity. The concept of female orgasm is used by men to insist that sexual activity (intercourse in particular) involves mutual pleasuring.

Men’s foremost concern is their own sexual opportunities. They don’t want anyone saying that women get less from sex in case it puts women off sex. The idea that a woman orgasms every time, allows men to assume a woman wants intercourse whenever they do. Men don’t think about female orgasm in logical terms. Female orgasm represents their chance of getting sex.

A man cannot understand why a woman does not want sex when her role is so trivial compared to his own. Men create the contradiction over women’s sexual amenability. They don’t respect a woman who ‘spreads her legs’ and offers sex too easily. Yet at the same time they are frustrated when they don’t get the sex they want. Intercourse provides men with the turn-on of penetration and the sexual acceptance they need to feel emotionally fulfilled. Intercourse is a demonstration of male potency (to impregnate).

Men are obsessed with their penis and a belief that it can provide women with amazing pleasure. Women say nothing. It’s a waste of time telling men how women feel because men simply don’t understand. Men imply that women are helpless recipients of their benevolence. In reality, sex involves women making effort for men’s sake. Women have to participate in activity that does nothing for them while trying to appear enthusiastic. Men do not understand the emotional factors that make intercourse romantic for a woman. By assuming that women accept intercourse because they are sexually aroused, men don’t have to acknowledge women’s contribution.

A woman’s cooperation with intercourse can be much more constructive than mere passivity. She may contribute to male gratification by offering additional stimulation or turn-ons such as implying a response. These behaviours benefit women because men tend to be generous to women who please them sexually. A woman accepts the risks of intercourse to give pleasure to a man she loves or to incentivise him to pay the family bills.

Although men may admire a woman who presents herself attractively, they rarely acknowledge the conscious effort she makes to play along with male fantasies and to respond lovingly and erotically to intercourse. A man sees his own role as core to intercourse. He assumes that a woman obtains an equal pleasure from intercourse or if not, that she should. Women cannot help being unaroused any more than men can help being regularly aroused.

Research indicates that women often have sex just to please men. Women subjugate themselves to men. But a woman has a massive incentive to keep a man happy when he is supporting her financially. No one questions why men do this because the custom is justified through women’s traditional childcare role. This is the symbiotic relationship between men and women.

Men subsidise a woman’s lifestyle in return for regular intercourse. Most men are happy to do this, seeing their ability to provide for a woman and a family as key to their own sexuality. This male earning ability gives men control in relationships. But men’s need for regular intercourse also gives women control. So these two factors involve a balance or a compromise to ensure that a couple enjoys a rewarding relationship. Each sex provides what the other appreciates or needs. Many women view their investment in their sex life as a demonstration of their platonic caring love for a partner.

A man’s view of relationships is short term (from one erection to the next). If he has an erection he thinks about a partner. If not, he goes about his own business. A woman loves all the time. Women’s instincts are to nurture because they care for children on a daily basis. If a man ignores her need for affection and companionship, she sees this as evidence that he doesn’t care. Each instance is accumulated as evidence over time. Men assume that women cannot forgive and that they harbouring grievances. A woman interprets a man’s neglect as on-going proof that he does not care about her.

Even very pleasant men have a way of asserting their will and they often expect a woman to agree with them. Many women simply can’t be bothered to fight all the time. But men need to be aware that such behaviour makes it very unlikely that the relationship will ever be communicative. The best sex is enjoyed over the longer term by developing honest and open communication. This can only be done if both partners have some flexibility in attitude and willingness to accept a lover’s point of view.

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Intercourse Is an Act of Mating & Impregnation

Sexuality is about the act of mating. Humans do not have sex simply in order to reproduce. We also have sex to enjoy sexual intimacy (recreation) and to form the emotional bonds that keep couples committed to each other over the years needed to support a family (deferred reproduction).

For most animals, a male fertilises a female by making a quick insertion. Only mammals employ an extended thrusting technique. There is no obvious advantage to the extra time male mammals take to mate. This inefficiency is no doubt due to the pleasure the male obtains from thrusting.

Intercourse refers to interaction between two or more people. To have sex as well as sexual intercourse both refer to any genital activity engaged in with a lover (as opposed to masturbatory activity alone). Sexual intercourse can also mean vaginal intercourse, so the term coitus is used to avoid confusion.

Women are not aroused by real-world triggers (such as a lover’s underwear or genitals). The lack of erotic arousal, the upper-body contact (kissing and caressing) as well as the diffuse stimulation of intercourse mean women experience consensual intercourse as a lovemaking act. Most women are unwilling to engage in more explicit manual or oral contacts. Being a receiver of intercourse does not rely on a person being sexually aroused.

Mammals use rear entry but the default position for coitus used by humans, in so-called civilised countries, is the missionary position which allows:

a man to control the stimulation he enjoys from thrusting;
a woman to focus on the upper body lovemaking aspects; and
a man to observe a woman and so pressures women into faking.
We can differentiate between three distinct categories of sexual activity. First there are manual contacts where we use our hands (or fingers) to stimulate (massage) the sex organ (called masturbation). Masturbation can be used with a lover but less commonly to the point of orgasm. Any activity short of intercourse used to be called petting and was popular with young couples in the days before the availability of reliable contraception. A man’s optimal sexual release is obtained through thrusting to ejaculation, so intercourse typically concludes heterosexual activity. But some men enjoy extending their arousal by engaging in non-coital activities. Hence the term: foreplay.
Secondly there are oral contacts where we use our mouth or tongue to kiss or stimulate (by licking, sucking or kissing) the sex organ (called oral sex) or other parts of the body. Oral sex performed on a man (called fellatio) is much more common than oral sex performed on a woman (called cunnilingus). Cunnilingus is associated with lesbians and pornography.

Thirdly there are genital contacts where a man penetrates a lover’s body (called intercourse or penetrative sex) with an erect penis. Vaginal intercourse involves a man’s penis penetrating a woman’s vagina. Heterosexuals and, more commonly, homosexual men engage in anal intercourse (also called anal sex) where an erect penis penetrates a lover’s anus. Anyone may use a dildo or vibrator to penetrate a lover’s vagina or anus. Women can use a strap-on dildo to penetrate a lover (called pegging).

We can differentiate between three approaches to intercourse. The vast majority of intercourse is defined by a man’s sex drive. A man holds his erect penis between his lover’s legs to find the entrance to her vagina. The man then thrusts rhythmically into her vagina as the woman kisses or caresses him allowing him the time he needs to ejaculate. Vaginal intercourse provides women with almost no physical or erotic stimulation. Women offer intercourse to a lover because it involves them in very little explicit activity and because they know that it is expected. Compared with foreplay, intercourse involves a woman in the least effort. A woman only needs to allow a man to penetrate her vagina and thrust until ejaculation.

Secondly there is intercourse that is preceded by foreplay. Foreplay is primarily provided by the man. Research indicates that men with a creative imagination tend to enjoy eroticism, fantasy, masturbation and foreplay more than others. Men’s enjoyment of eroticism (male turn-ons) may be the result of the increased complexity of the brain. Other men (especially when young) prefer to get straight to intercourse rather than indulge in eroticism. Eroticism includes male turn-ons that fall short of intercourse.

Thirdly there is fantasy-style sex as portrayed in erotic fiction that is characterised by the proactive role of the woman. The woman initiates sexual activity, encourages the man to stimulate her and provides facial expressions and vocals that assist with male orgasm. Some women feel obligated to provide at least some of this performance for a lover either because they feel it is expected or to feel better about their sexual role.

It is the constant complaint of married females that their husbands are… primarily concerned with genital stimulation… It is the constant complaint of the married male that his wife… does not tactilely stimulate his genitalia. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)

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The Romantic Pleasure a Woman Enjoys From Sex

Mammals use grooming to connect socially with others. They also snuggle up together for warmth and comfort. Regardless of any responsiveness, there is a comfort in the proximity of another person’s body: the gentle rise and fall of their abdomen, the warmth and feel of their skin are reassuring.

In the early days of a romance, lovemaking is an expression of a couple’s love for each other. Sex is only a small part of the quality time they spend together. A woman views intercourse as a lovemaking act where a man demonstrates his sexual admiration for her (his ability to be aroused by her body) and his sex drive (ability to impregnate her). But over time men tend to become engrossed in their daily pursuits and sex is taken for granted.

Men fail to appreciate that women want a relationship and not sex (directly). When a man dedicates non-sexual time to showing an interest in a woman and that he cares for her (beyond sex), a woman feels motivated to demonstrate her affection by offering sex. A woman ideally hopes for a loving partner to enjoy sharing affection and intimate communication. She enjoys the emotional reassurance of having a partner’s support and protection. She enjoys the reflected glory and pride in his achievements.

A woman is not aroused by sexual activity so she needs to feel very positively towards a man (and trust him) to offer sex. Without an emotional connection, even the idea of sex is disgusting to her. Sex involves a woman allowing a man to touch, kiss and penetrate her most private anatomy. Women are revolted (not aroused by) the genitals and body fluids that men enjoy. Sex involves a serious emotional commitment for most women.

When a woman is attracted to a man she admires, she is flattered that he wants intercourse with her. She feels emotionally exhilarated by the idea that he is aroused by her body and wants to penetrate her. When men are attracted to a woman, they seem to assume that a woman automatically reciprocates their feelings as if women have no responses of their own. This may be because the male sex drive causes men to convince themselves of a partner’s amenability or because men objectify people who arouse them.

A woman allows a man to make love to her. She has a choice so it’s not about being dominated. It’s about allowing, inviting and welcoming. This emotional reward is much stronger than simply going along with what a man wants. A woman can enjoy a sense of longing, wanting to be loved, enjoying being desired sexually. She wants to matter to him so that he will care for her. She lets him penetrate her body for his own gratification. An affectionate female lover enjoys giving pleasure when a man pleases her in other ways. Her reward is his gratitude for sexual release. Men show this gratitude by subsidising a woman’s lifestyle and pleasing her in other ways.

A woman obtains an emotional payback from sex that men don’t get. She feels loved and needed because of the pleasure a man gets from her body. These emotions are not sexual (involving arousal and orgasm) but they are just as vital to a woman feeling emotionally connected to a lover as the sexual emotions (based on arousal and orgasm) that a man experiences.

A woman’s inclination to offer sex is not just generosity on her part. It is also a selfish behaviour because she knows that by offering sex she will gain more control in the relationship. A woman can be much more sure of a man’s interest in her once a relationship transitions from platonic to sexual. When a woman is in a sexual relationship with a man, she can expect more in return than she would if they had a platonic relationship.

When a woman shows initiative, for example by caressing or kissing a man, he assumes that she is aroused. But her demonstration of affection is purely platonic and is not sexually motivated. Ironically, it is her desire to demonstrate her affection that encourages a man’s sex drive. This is why many women stop being affectionate over time because they learn that their demonstrations of affection are interpreted as a sexual invitation by men.

A woman has emotional needs just as a man does. But these emotional needs are not met through orgasm. Some women want to express the sense of connection they feel from sex. Women may define their emotional needs in terms of arousal and orgasm because this is how men relate to the concept of emotional connection. This is an attempt to be taken seriously by men who tend to define all adult intimacy in terms of sexual responses.

A man is sexually attracted to a woman. His sex drive causes him to be highly proactive about seeking intercourse with women he is attracted to. Women do not experience this sexual drive. Women feel an emotional attachment to others. This sometimes builds up slowly, if a man is devoted to her. Women are also attracted to men and fall in love. But women have no control over persuading a man to reciprocate their feelings because this relies on his sexual responses. Women can only hope and dream. Romance involves a passive behaviour based on emotional responses, including anticipation and waiting that does not appeal to men. Women enjoy romance novels for the poignancy of the emotional reward they feel when they identify with how a woman feels when a man reciprocates her love.

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